Dear future husband,

I was sitting in the kitchen on the Scottish holiday, listening to my music and Meghan Trainor’s ‘Dear Future Husband’ song started playing. I have a couple of issues with those song from a feminist point of view, but I ignored that and started thinking about what my future husband would need to accept about me and my love of nature.

So I have rewritten the song from a naturalist’s point of view, trying to keep it as close to the original song’s lyrics as possible:

Dear future husband,
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only all my life

Take me on a date
Something with wildlife
Don’t forget the camera or the binoculars
Cause if we see something special
I’ll be the recorder
Spotting new species
Spot-spotting what you need

You got that 9 to 5
But, baby, so do I
So don’t be thinking I’ll be home
And baking apple pies
Even in the evenings
I’ll be out in nature
Sing along with birds
Sing-sing along with birds

You gotta know how to treat me like a naturalist
Even when I’m dissecting dead stuff
Tell me everything’s alright

Dear future husband,
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only all my life
Dear future husband
If you wanna get that special lovin’
Tell me it’s ok to keep the roadkill

After every night
Open the moth trap
And then maybe I’ll let you try
And ID those moths right
Even if my ID’s wrong
You know I’m sometimes wrong
Why not ID too
Why, why not ID too

You gotta know how to treat me like a naturalist
Even when I’m sniffing otter spraint
Tell me everything’s alright

Dear future husband,
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only all my life
Dear future husband
Make time for wildlife
Don’t leave me lonely
And know we’ll always go on nature adventures

I’ll be sleeping on the left side of the bed
Except when I am out all night for the wildlife
Don’t forget the midge spray
Just be a classy guy
Buy me a sweep net
Buy-buy me a sweep net

You gotta know how to treat me like a naturalist
Even when I’m pinning dead stuff
Tell me everything’s alright

Dear future husband,
Here’s a few things
You’ll need to know if you wanna be
My one and only all my life
Dear future husband
If you wanna get that special lovin’
Tell me it’s ok to keep the roadkill

Dear future husband, better love me (and nature) right

My video of this, with text over photos and videos.